.... And so it begins .... Back to School Time. Wasn't it just yesterday that we were going to end of the year last day parties and Sierra was happy to wear pj bottoms in the morning? Now it is almost time to get back in full swing ~ backpacks, school supplies, lunches, bus stops & the chaos that it all entails. Threatening Riley within an inch of her life if she doesn't stand still so I can do something with her wild child head of hair ..... oh the the things to look forward to :).
I haven't blogged in forever. I got in a slump and just not much to say. Then got excited about vacation the first of August and it was here and then gone in the blink of an eye. As we drove back home I was extremely sad, but I realized after getting home that it wasn't just because we were leaving Charleston and my family alone. I realized that some of my sadness stemmed from living so far away from those we love. It is hard to be so far away from everyone we love ~ California, Memphis, Charleston, Jonesboro. Sometimes in my heart I pray for Chad to find a job close to family. That prayer hasn't been answered yet, but I will just keep praying, I suppose.
It has been a summer of bubbles and swimming and sprinklers and two day car rides to vacation and work and sleepovers and potty training and the list just goes on. There have been ups and downs and tears and anger and I guess I just chunk it all up to Life. People aren't always going to agree and I have decided that at 35 years it is time to quit crying and stand up for why those tears would be shed in the first place. If someone loves you, they should respect you ,as they would someone else, and find a way to move on after gettting their point across. The Golden Rule has stuck around this long for a reason. I guess I am just tired of having my feelings hurt and excusing away the reason. I need to stick up for Kelli Newberry Perkins, whether it is fun or not.
On a positive note, I am going to CanCun with the Kansas State Women's Basketball Team the week of Thanksgiving. I am so stoked and going tomorrow to find a new bathing suit, since you can't typically find those in snow-ridden Kansas in November. I am also going to buy it in a size too small to encourage myself to exercise just a bit. Regardless, I am just thrilled to be traveling out of the country with good company which I think will help ensure a good time. Chad's daddy is being nice enough to come out and stay with the kids for the week. I will miss them and this will be my first holiday away from the twins and Sierra. They don't realize ~ Sierra does. She's a little upset now, but I think I can bribe her by the time we leave :).
Going to end this now ... things to do and it is almost time to get ready for the weekend.
Take care, y'all. I miss and love each of you very much. And remember, if you are ever around Kansas, you always have a welcoming place to stay.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Guess I Am Just Being A Girl ....... Or So I Have Been Told.
So, starting this off again by saying that I haven't blogged in forever. Not that I haven't thought about it, because I have numerous times, but, just haven't sat down to actually put in words what is going on in my head. Maybe because I am lazy ~ maybe because I am scared to type out what I really want to say.
Our weekend was good ~ Autism Meets Optimism Event on Saturday and then yesterday, Sierra and I took the little monsters to the zoo. I told Riley she could stay with her family, the monkeys, but she wanted to go home with us. Oh well, can't say I didn't try.
Going to make this short and sweet because I don't want to say more than I should. Just want to say that at the end of the day, just like most other people, I have feelings and I am sorry if that offends or upsets anyone. Maybe I should keep them inside and hold them tighter than I already do, because, that seems to work well for everyone, right? Actually, I am at a point that I don't care what works well for everyone. Call me selfish ~ I am concerned for what works well for me and the way that I respond to my family and others. Judge Judy wrote a book entitled "Don't Pee on My Leg and Tell Me It's Raining". Maybe instead of allowing myself to feel for situations, myself, my kids and others, I should adapt to that philosophy. At one point in my life, I feel like that was where I was at. After having babies and becoming a wife, that is not exactly what I wanted for my life or anyone in it. However, sadly, if it works, then it works.
Maybe I should end by just saying that I have feelings and am tired of them being trampled on. If that doesn't work for you .... move on. My leg is tired of getting tinkled on.
Our weekend was good ~ Autism Meets Optimism Event on Saturday and then yesterday, Sierra and I took the little monsters to the zoo. I told Riley she could stay with her family, the monkeys, but she wanted to go home with us. Oh well, can't say I didn't try.
Going to make this short and sweet because I don't want to say more than I should. Just want to say that at the end of the day, just like most other people, I have feelings and I am sorry if that offends or upsets anyone. Maybe I should keep them inside and hold them tighter than I already do, because, that seems to work well for everyone, right? Actually, I am at a point that I don't care what works well for everyone. Call me selfish ~ I am concerned for what works well for me and the way that I respond to my family and others. Judge Judy wrote a book entitled "Don't Pee on My Leg and Tell Me It's Raining". Maybe instead of allowing myself to feel for situations, myself, my kids and others, I should adapt to that philosophy. At one point in my life, I feel like that was where I was at. After having babies and becoming a wife, that is not exactly what I wanted for my life or anyone in it. However, sadly, if it works, then it works.
Maybe I should end by just saying that I have feelings and am tired of them being trampled on. If that doesn't work for you .... move on. My leg is tired of getting tinkled on.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
And the Snow Blows On .....
I am typing this and looking out the window ~ it is snowing, the wind blowing and the streets in front of our home have a nice coat of slick ice covering them. Oh, 'tis nothing but another winter in Kansas. The snow is always pretty, at least at first, and then it turns into a dirty, muddy mess that makes you long for warmer weather, fresh watermelon, the smell of cut green grass, and sunscreen coated children headed to the pool. We have a few more months until those things happen ~ I am reassured that winter doesn't last forever and soon we will experience biting into a fresh peach while the juice spills down our chin. Until then I will keep my cell phone on the charger and try to get everything washed up, in case we happen to lose power like many other residents of Riley County. I will keep my doors tightly closed to avoid the draft that 7 degrees (yes, you read that right) brings along with it.
Sierra is happy, because she and Connor are both going on snow day #2. Not sure if there will be a snow day #3, but I have a feeling the answer might just possibly be yes. Even LuLu doesn't want to head outside with her big basset hound body waddling behind her.
I'll keep this short ~ I have so much I could write, but even I am not wanting to talk about the things bearing down on me, so I will probably end this and make it one of the shorter blog postings I have done. I will say a prayer for our power to hold up and go on with the day. We are about to play "train" in the hallway ~ 4 chairs lined up, holding expired Wildcat Basketball tickets, and about to head to an imaginary WalMart in Switzerland, of course. Sierra is the conductor ~ how could you expect less?
Stay warm, y'all.
Sierra is happy, because she and Connor are both going on snow day #2. Not sure if there will be a snow day #3, but I have a feeling the answer might just possibly be yes. Even LuLu doesn't want to head outside with her big basset hound body waddling behind her.
I'll keep this short ~ I have so much I could write, but even I am not wanting to talk about the things bearing down on me, so I will probably end this and make it one of the shorter blog postings I have done. I will say a prayer for our power to hold up and go on with the day. We are about to play "train" in the hallway ~ 4 chairs lined up, holding expired Wildcat Basketball tickets, and about to head to an imaginary WalMart in Switzerland, of course. Sierra is the conductor ~ how could you expect less?
Stay warm, y'all.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
How's That Working For Ya?
So, haven't blogged in a bit and decided it was time to put a few things down before I go nuts ... lol ... thoughts running through my mind are sometimes much better understood in print ~ even for me that thinks the thoughts. It is Tuesday ~ Lord, help me make it to Friday.
I decided this morning that I am upset with a few things in my life, but at the moment, one of the biggest upsets comes to me in the form of being a friend ~ truly caring about the feelings of the person you are supposed to really want in your life. Days run together, minutes fly by and the more hectic it gets, the more it seems I long for some sense of security and normalcy. Chad says that I am not social enough, but then when days like today hit, I think maybe it is best for me that I am not. I am so frustrated ~ hurt, upset, tired ~ whatever ~ just thinking that at some point maybe I need to live by the advice that I heard from Dr. Phil years ago ~ "You teach people how to treat you". Oh yeah, I could quote the infamous "How's that working for ya?" but we all know that one. I believe 100% that we do teach others how to treat us, so why do I settle for something that I wouldn't give to anyone else? And here is where reality kicks me in the butt and I wonder if it is me or what ~ why do we always treat the ones we are supposed to care about worse than anyone else? That saying is so true ~ so true but so hurtful at times. I won't continue on this topic ~ I need to quit typing as the more I type the more upset I seem to get. For this thought, it seems that looking at it in print makes me realize even more that it isn't ok to allow someone to treat me a certain way just because that is how they are. I mean, really, we could all condition others to allow us to treat them like this or that on a certain day with our varying moods, BUT, that really isn't the nice thing to do, now is it? Or is it? Nope, it isn't ~ and in each of our hearts, if we aren't pulled a little when we are "acting ugly" to those we care about, we should be.
Connor's autism is not a friend today ~ not a friend and I am ready for it to let go of my son, even if just for a little while. We have good days, bad days, so so days ~ today is not a good day. He is throwing fits and really only interacting very well with Riley ~ doesn't want to be touched, sitting back in a corner hoarding his cars, very unattached to anything besides these things that others just really can't understand. Before someone busts out with the typical comment, let me answer for you now, no, I can't snap him out of it ~ autism doesn't work that way. So, like I have learned on these bad days, I will do my best to care for him at a distance and tuck the tears away for another time, or at least when no one else is watching. I read an article the other day about a mother who had an autistic child who never wanted to be touched ~ the touch that would comfort you or I set this child into a fit that would last for hours ~ sometimes the entire day or days. Chad and I are very blessed ~ Connor typically likes and reciprocates touch very well, just not today. I think that is why days like today suck ~ yep, I said suck ~ because when you want to hold him and help make it go away, you visibly see, and feel, the tugging and pulling away like crazy, that holding him just makes it worse. This mother said that one day, 3 years ago, the son came up to his mom, visibly uncomfortable, looked in her eyes, leaned against her tightly and told her "I love you" before pulling away and running to his bedroom. She says in the article that she had waited 5 years for that I love you, and would pray that another one comes before another five years pass. Can you imagine? I mean, really, think about that, can you imagine? I read that and realize that really we are blessed ~ just today is not good and deal with and look forward to tomorrow or the next day or whenever.
So, I think I will end this on this note ~ it keeps going through my head (just like everything else) and I thought I should share. A friend I have met recently is no longer working and staying home to take care of her elderly mother who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. We were chatting the other day and somehow the entire "bootstrap" theory came up. You know the saying ~ pull yourself up by your bootstraps and go on. In other words, put on your big girl panties and deal with it. She said to me ~ Honey, once you have children and a marriage and a life in the real world, those boot straps were cut a long time ago. Me, who can talk someone under the table and back up again, was quiet and just thought and listened. Each day I feel a little different about her comment, but the fact that I keep coming back to it, makes me realize that it somehow applies to both me and my life. And again, it reminds me of my first paragraph about being a true person, true spirit ~ a selfless friend who has time for you and remembers that we all need that sometimes. I said this before, but will say it again ... it is so harder to be still and listen than to talk. Sometimes our talking hurts those who really need us to listen ~ and if you need that ear to listen ~ being pushed aside each time you reach out hurts more than anything. Screw the bootstraps ~ I think maybe I need a weekend like the Blake Shelton song ~ It's All About Tonight. A red Gatorade and feel good pills won't make things better forever, but maybe just long enough for me to figure out where to put those dreaded cut off bootstraps.
Take care, y'all ~ and if you read all the way to the bottom of my rambling ~ Thank you.
I decided this morning that I am upset with a few things in my life, but at the moment, one of the biggest upsets comes to me in the form of being a friend ~ truly caring about the feelings of the person you are supposed to really want in your life. Days run together, minutes fly by and the more hectic it gets, the more it seems I long for some sense of security and normalcy. Chad says that I am not social enough, but then when days like today hit, I think maybe it is best for me that I am not. I am so frustrated ~ hurt, upset, tired ~ whatever ~ just thinking that at some point maybe I need to live by the advice that I heard from Dr. Phil years ago ~ "You teach people how to treat you". Oh yeah, I could quote the infamous "How's that working for ya?" but we all know that one. I believe 100% that we do teach others how to treat us, so why do I settle for something that I wouldn't give to anyone else? And here is where reality kicks me in the butt and I wonder if it is me or what ~ why do we always treat the ones we are supposed to care about worse than anyone else? That saying is so true ~ so true but so hurtful at times. I won't continue on this topic ~ I need to quit typing as the more I type the more upset I seem to get. For this thought, it seems that looking at it in print makes me realize even more that it isn't ok to allow someone to treat me a certain way just because that is how they are. I mean, really, we could all condition others to allow us to treat them like this or that on a certain day with our varying moods, BUT, that really isn't the nice thing to do, now is it? Or is it? Nope, it isn't ~ and in each of our hearts, if we aren't pulled a little when we are "acting ugly" to those we care about, we should be.
Connor's autism is not a friend today ~ not a friend and I am ready for it to let go of my son, even if just for a little while. We have good days, bad days, so so days ~ today is not a good day. He is throwing fits and really only interacting very well with Riley ~ doesn't want to be touched, sitting back in a corner hoarding his cars, very unattached to anything besides these things that others just really can't understand. Before someone busts out with the typical comment, let me answer for you now, no, I can't snap him out of it ~ autism doesn't work that way. So, like I have learned on these bad days, I will do my best to care for him at a distance and tuck the tears away for another time, or at least when no one else is watching. I read an article the other day about a mother who had an autistic child who never wanted to be touched ~ the touch that would comfort you or I set this child into a fit that would last for hours ~ sometimes the entire day or days. Chad and I are very blessed ~ Connor typically likes and reciprocates touch very well, just not today. I think that is why days like today suck ~ yep, I said suck ~ because when you want to hold him and help make it go away, you visibly see, and feel, the tugging and pulling away like crazy, that holding him just makes it worse. This mother said that one day, 3 years ago, the son came up to his mom, visibly uncomfortable, looked in her eyes, leaned against her tightly and told her "I love you" before pulling away and running to his bedroom. She says in the article that she had waited 5 years for that I love you, and would pray that another one comes before another five years pass. Can you imagine? I mean, really, think about that, can you imagine? I read that and realize that really we are blessed ~ just today is not good and deal with and look forward to tomorrow or the next day or whenever.
So, I think I will end this on this note ~ it keeps going through my head (just like everything else) and I thought I should share. A friend I have met recently is no longer working and staying home to take care of her elderly mother who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. We were chatting the other day and somehow the entire "bootstrap" theory came up. You know the saying ~ pull yourself up by your bootstraps and go on. In other words, put on your big girl panties and deal with it. She said to me ~ Honey, once you have children and a marriage and a life in the real world, those boot straps were cut a long time ago. Me, who can talk someone under the table and back up again, was quiet and just thought and listened. Each day I feel a little different about her comment, but the fact that I keep coming back to it, makes me realize that it somehow applies to both me and my life. And again, it reminds me of my first paragraph about being a true person, true spirit ~ a selfless friend who has time for you and remembers that we all need that sometimes. I said this before, but will say it again ... it is so harder to be still and listen than to talk. Sometimes our talking hurts those who really need us to listen ~ and if you need that ear to listen ~ being pushed aside each time you reach out hurts more than anything. Screw the bootstraps ~ I think maybe I need a weekend like the Blake Shelton song ~ It's All About Tonight. A red Gatorade and feel good pills won't make things better forever, but maybe just long enough for me to figure out where to put those dreaded cut off bootstraps.
Take care, y'all ~ and if you read all the way to the bottom of my rambling ~ Thank you.
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