Hey everyone ... or hey no one ... not sure how many follow my silly little blog.
I am in a crazy erratic terrible mood .... been a rough day ... but I just wanted to sit down and get something out.
For those that doubt that autism is a real and viable disorder, then maybe we should change lives for a few days and let you live in mine and watch your child go through situations that neither he nor you can control or fix or make better for him. After dropping Sierra off for a school dance, Connor launched into his crying don't let her go fit in the car, as did Riley, except Connor's fit has lasted until just now ~ let's see ... that would be near 1 1/2 hours. Riley stopped crying after watching her sister walk into the building, Connor ~ not so much.
I headed to Walgreens for Boudreaux Butt Paste .. lol ... still makes me laugh .... and a heating pad. What else goes better together? The tantrum had stopped for a few moments from leaving Sierra as we got from the car into the shopping cart. Upon entering the automatic doors at Walgreens it started all over again, only this time much much worse. As I hastily headed through the store I have a lightbulb parent moment .. the toy aisle ... let's get a toy ... that always works. Maybe sometimes, but oh dear autism, not today. I don't know if researchers are right ... is it sensory overload, is it flourescent lights? What is it that makes my son go into a raving crying fit with hands over his ears and eyes closed and clinging onto the cart for dear life in what should be a perfectly normal situation? What is it? Please, someone tell me ... my sanity as well as my heart needs to know. Even with a super cool fire truck and nifty little Mickey Christmas glass the fit continued and at that point I gave up. I threw stuff in the cart, shot very ugly eyes at two gentlemen who couldn't keep their eyes off of our apparent freak show (seriously, I doubt these two less than desirable men could work hard enough to keep a pet rock alive, but who am I to say?), and headed for the checkout. At the point of checkout, Connor is clinging to my skin for dear life ... I mean ... no kidding ... I am surprised his little nails didn't draw blood. We run through the checkout, the clerk gives back the firetruck to the crying for his life child that has to remove his hands from his ears to brace the truck against himself and the cart. You see, he wasn't even holding the truck ... just trying to hold it close and holding his hands over his ears as he had done upon our arrival at Glorious oh Glorious Walgreens.
We get in the car and the crying continues, this time with eyes covered ..... what do I do? If your answer is to spank him or physically punish him, then please do me a favor, don't finish reading this post or any other post I ever choose to put on here. The title, thanks to Stan, of Truality really applies here. This is my life .. not sugar coated or paint by numbers. I don't know why I feel the need to explain behavior exhibited by my son to verify for others that he truly does have autism. I guess I hear so much that he is just being a kid .... these fits, ears covering, eyes covered, clinging to my skin for his life ... these fits, tantrums, whatever you choose to call them, are not just being a kid.
As I have typed this post, I am thinking in my head about true support and I think that only comes when someone loves you and trusts you enough to let go and trust you as a parent. To trust the developmental pediatricians and psychologists and speech therapists and occupational therapists who are good at doing their jobs and making a final decision on whether or not they diagnose a child with Autism or Asperger's or PDD or nothing. I love Connor more than my life, as I do all my children, but this place in me is coming to a part where I am so emotionally drained with having to explain that it isn't bad behavior ~ it is a condition and we are working with others to do the best we can for our son. Hear me when I type this ... our son .... we all want the best for our kids ... why would anyone try to blame something on what it isn't when it comes to times like this? I am not playing an autism card ... that "card" was put in Connor's deck and as his mother I am doing my best to help him make the right move with what God chose to deal my little boy.
My son has autism ..... I know that, his father knows that, his sisters know that and most family members know as well. If you don't know, then please love us & Connor enough to take the time to learn about it and begin to know it as well. We call an apple an apple ~ it is time for us to call autism exactly what it is ... autism.
Much love everyone,
Kelli
It is unfortunate in this day of such easily accessible information that some of your friends and loved ones don't take the time to research and try to understand autism. It is a very real disorder that is hard to recognize in Connor because he appears to be such a healthy, normal little boy. It is not easy for some to accept that Connor processes things differently than other children. Don't waste your energy on trying to defend Connor's actions. It is not necessary. You energy is better spent learning coping skills for Connor and your family. Channel your support system and block out the negativity. Some prefer to live in blissful ignorance than face reality. For some it is easier to criticize what they don't understand than to offer support and encouragment.
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