35 ... Not Sure If I Am Ready or Not ... Can I Be 29 and Holding?

So, as a little girl I always thought that you would feel different the older you got.  I can't speak for others, only myself, but, I don't feel much different.  I feel like Kelli, only slightly more stressed, a little more weight, much different priorities, major issues with vascular congestion in my legs from having babies, but, still me underneath it all.  I guess I am still waiting on that feeling different part ~ only different I feel is that I am turning more and more into my mother and other relatives I promised I would never be.

Sierra is 14 years old and wants to go out on Halloween with a few of her girlfriends to go Trick or Treating.  Actually, I am surprised they still want to do that at this point, but, I am trying to very slowly let a little slack on the apron strings.  I remember when she was less than 5 days old and I cried thinking that one day she would grow up and leave me.  I mean, really, I had some issues. lol.  However, somehow those feeling from 14 years ago are popping back and I am so scared about her growing up and one day flying the coop to begin her life on her own.  I want so much for her and feeling like I only have a few more years to instill in her all I want her to know.  Then I sit back and remember that life is a process and we all have to learn.  The best gift I can give any of my children is to try and keep communication open and try to help them without letting them know.  I know there is a fine line of being a parent or being a friend .... somehow as she grows older I want to find that line, where I can be both.  Some say it is impossible ~ and maybe for them it is ~ but, I don't have to fall into that because others say what is and isn't.  This is my family and I am slowly learning to stand up for what I want for my children and my family.  Problem is that I have yet figured out how to stand up for me ~ ~ that is still a work in the progress and I guess that inner little girl never goes away when it comes to standing up for me.

So, tonight I will go to dinner with my very sweet husband and we will enjoy dinner and probably spend most of the time talking about our twins and Sierra and jobs and what real life becomes when you grow up.  But somehow, in the back of my mind, I hold onto those birthday parties in Evans when I dressed as a bunny from the year before's dance recital and blew out candles on a cake decorated with pumpkins and ghosts.  I hang onto my daddy showing me my birthday present before it was wrapped and telling me if I told my mom I was beyond in trouble.  But, she always found out and that trouble never occurred.  I remember my parents thinking that if they weren't drinkers, they should probably have started, when they agreed to take 10 or 12 preteen girls on a Halloween Ghost Walk in Downtown Charleston that was then followed by a slumber party.  All the giggles ~ all the presents and now all the years and I am 35.  Last night I cried because sometimes it hurts so much to celebrate without my Dad ~ I cried because I couldn't remember how his hands looked.  Silly, huh?  Then Chad came in and reminded me that it didn't matter how his hands looked ~ what mattered is that I have memories of those arms and hands holding onto me and that is way more important than what his hands actually looked like.  I miss him ~ the years that pass just don't make that go away.

Without sounding too nostaligic, I am blessed to have reached 35 years.  I am blessed to have a wonderful family who loves me, very caring and special in-laws that truly want the best for all of our family and have always included my daughter and myself like one of their own, a wonderful Newberry family in Memphis & Joneseboro that mean more to me than I could ever begin to express in words, and finally, a mom, stepfather and brother that help me remember what it means to be family.  Some years weren't easy, but without the struggle, how can we appreciate the love that always comes back around?  And I wonder how much my Dad had a part of that .... he might not be here physically, but in my heart, I realize if I look and reach hard enough, those hands I have a hard time remembering are still all around me and probably sometimes hold me when I don't even know.

Thanks so much for all the birthday wishes ~ they mean more than I could ever express.  All of you are so special to me ~ each and everyone of you have touched my life in one way or another and I am better because of it.  So, do I feel 35?  Yes, I do.  But do I feel different?  Nope, still the same Kelli ~ hopefully.

Have a good weekend, y'all!  Love and miss each and every one of  you :)

  

Wienies, Mashed Potatoes & Peas ... Does It Really Get Any Better?

So ... when I was a kid I remember eating many wonderful things, but, Ben and I absolutely loved my Mother's Dinner of Champions ~ Wienies, Mashed Potatoes & Peas.  Today as I made a partial part of that meal for my kids at lunch I thought of how funny it was that just the sight and taste of those foods could take you back so many years.

First, we didn't have the peas ~ which really is a vital component of this fantabulous dinner.  I had frozen green peas, but the peas don't taste the same unless they are canned, and preferabbly in the silver wrapped can.  Because having the frozen peas would throw it all off, I Xed that component of the meal and settled for Wienies, Mashed Potatoes, Mandarin Oranges & Toast.

Not sure why I am blogging about this, guess I just find it funny how our minds remember little things that we forget as we get older.  Just the taste and smell of that meal takes me back to Ben and I sitting at the table and acting like we hated the meal, when really, we loved it.

So, I guess it is time to figure out what to cook for dinner for my monster 1 & 2 and Sierra.  Chad can fend for himself ~ pretty much why he isn't on the list :).  I don't know what it will be, but I hope that one day the tastes and smells from my kitchen will remind my children of how the little things really do matter later in life.    Memories should be hung onto ~ even if they are only remembered by a smell or a taste.

Have a great week, y'all!

Look Mom ~ No More Cribs

Ok ~ so, for those of you that know me, know that I have kept my little monsters contained to their cribs for as long as possible.  At first it was the simple thing to do, then it just lingered on, then I was scared of them not being babies and moving into a big kid bed, and finally Connor outsmarted me and began climbing in and out like a monkey and so I put in the very back of my mind that the time to make the move was near.  Of course, I didn't make the move at that point, just thought about it.  Yesterday the plunge was taken and the cribs are no more ~ not sure how I feel at this point.  Who am I kidding ~ I hate the fact that they are too big for cribs and as they were taken down and moved out of the home I cried like what I want them to stay .... a baby.

One of the cribs went to a young couple trying for a baby, but the second went to a couple from India that are grad students here at Kansas State and they were absolutely as sweet as they could be.  If I had to choose who would have gotten the crib, it couldn't have been a sweeter two.  Their little boy is due in December and I told them if they need anything to give me a call ... or send me a photo of their little man in the crib ... can we say attachment issues?  Anyway, change is here and I suppose I will figure out how to handle it.

We have decided for the time being to put the two of them back together in a full size bed.  The reason being, they will end up together anyway.  I know bedtime is going to come a little earlier for a while, because they wrestle and play and giggle in the bed at first just like little kids ~ I guess that is because they are. 

As mothers we all say that our children will always be our babies ~ in our hearts, that is.  Maybe someone should tell my head that for the next few weeks as we adapt from cribs to the bed ~ this Mom is really going to have a hard time listening to her heart as her body puts her babies night night into their big kid bed.

Have a great Sunday, y'all ~ where has the weekend gone?

Garage Sale Blues

So, I say Garage Sale Blues because tomorrow morning I am hoping for blue skys and nice weather.  However, my not so favorite weather guy at the moment is predicting a 30% chance of rain. I will hope that the other 70% of sunshine hangs over our home, if only from 6:30 am - 2:00 pm that is.

Chad will not be here to help with this lovely sale, that for the record, was not my idea.  Sierra and her friend Bernadette can't wait for this, although I fear that I just might be doing most of the work.  Ok, really, we all know that I will be doing most of the work.  Two 14 year old girls tend to space out at certain times.  That isn't a bad thing, just the truth.  We were all teens and if you are currently raising one then you know why your mother kept saying she couldn't wait until your kids were teenagers.  Guess that the laugh is on us while they are teens, and I fully intend to tell mine the same thing and sit back and watch when my grandchildren drive their parents nutty like I feel like I already am.  But back to the glorious yard sale ~ they couldn't just make it a garage sale ~ oh no, it has to be a garage/bake sale.  Chad asked what are we going to bake?  Is that a trick questions?  They are going to bake that $45 dollars worth of cookie batter in tubs that I bought as a fundraiser for the Women's Choir at Manhattan High School.  I didn't spend that money for nothing ~ Sierra better push cookies like crazy so that I can at least recoop a little of the profit loss.  $45 for 3 tubs of cookies ~ only a parent with a kid doing fundraisers would buy that.  Well, that or a parent who knows their child will be fundraising soon, so they buy from you in hopes that you will return the favor and help their child out as well.

I tried to glamorize the posting of the garage sale, but we all know the reality of every yard sale.  A way to get rid of stuff that we need out of our homes and make a little moolah at the same time.  I am hoping that as it makes it's way out the door it will not see my home again, unless I mess up and buy it all over again at someone else's glamorized sale. 

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers for the sale ~ really, that isn't a joke.  One 34 year old woman running a garage sale with two 14 year old girls and 3 1/2 year old twins crying at everything that walks out of the yard is probably not going to make for a most fabulous Saturday.  Only good thing is the logistics and planning on my part.  Garage sale ends at 2 which is typically nap time for Monster 1 & 2, more commonly known as Connor & Riley, and I think I will let Sierra and Berna clean up while I take a nap of my own. 

So, if anyone needs a double stroller, or coffe maker, or 4,000 dvds that Chad had to have but never watches, Dance Dance Revolution, toddler clothing or a 90 lb Basset Hound commonly referred to as LuLu just stop on by.  Oops, did I say out loud that I would sell LuLu .... let's fix that .... I will give her away, but only if you can get her lazy self to actually waddle to your car and then find a magic way to heave herself into your backseat.  And please, no matter what, don't tell Chad about the giving away of his wifey.  He talks nicer to her than he does to me most of the time, so if she left him he might not know what to do.  Iif you don't tell, then neither will I and LuLu definitely won't say a word, because at this point in her life she is almost too lazy to bark :).

Have a great weekend, y'all!

Blah ... Blah .... Blah .....

The last few days have felt like I am sitting in the Peanut's classroom listening to the teacher talk at an endless rate.  Only negative is that I can't find Snoopy and keep hearing the teacher.  At least if I could find the Red Baron aka Snoopy I could have something to focus on besides the endless jabber that I can't tune out.

As I was waiting outside our home for the bus to pick up Connor for his morning prek program, my mind began to race 4037 miles a minute.  Halloween is coming, Connor's hair is so shaggy I think the people will think that nobody loves him, Sierra needs a costume, Riley's hair is a rat's nest of curls that has to be untangled before our RCIA (Catholic) classes tonight, Chad is frusturated with Sierra, Sierra is frusturated with everyone, and so the list continues.  You might ask why Connor's hair is so shaggy ... a simple haircut will fix that, right?  Wrong in our case.  Because Connor has autism, oops, did I actually say that word out loud and acknowledge in front of others that he really does have a developmental disorder that is also know as an Autistic Disorder?  Guess I did ~ the cat is out of the bag.  Connor's autism makes many things more difficult ~ a haircut being near the top of the list.  I mean, really, he and I weren't kicked out, I mean asked to leave, the little Great Clips haircut shop down the road for no reason.  When they ask you to come back when he is older and more able to handle the horrible and awful process known as a haircut, I call that being given the boot.  Not only was I told this, but, lol, it was computerized noted by his name and birthdate in their system.  Can you get fake ids at 3?  Anyway, past all my rambling, I say that because Connor is more petrified of hair scissors and clippers than any kid I know.  They come one way and he struggles to go the other way.  Somehow he and Chad have figured out a way where when he is with Chad he can walk out of the Barber Shop with a somewhat close to even haircut.  The poor barber does the best he can, but, when you the parent are having to hold a toddler's head in both hands so that the hair can look decent, I can assure you it is not a fun nor easy process for anyone involved, most importantly Connor.  Chad tries to take him when the shop isn't crowded because the number of people in the shop affect Connor's edginess (is that a word?) level.  We have decided that Chad will be in charge of haircuts for Connor ~ me for Riley ~ and that is ok because that is what works for us.  I would love to say our family is the picture of perfection, but reality stinks sometimes, and our reality is just that ~ our reality.  So, I suppose I will keep wetting his hair in the morning and combing it down before going out to wait for the bus.  Ooops , forgot to add that while waiting for the bus I do the old lick the hand and try to push the cowlicks down in the back that most all mothers do at some point or another.  Oh well ~ not a big battle to fight when compared to the life many others are facing.

Please notice in the above photo that even a pony saddle chair, a sippy cup, and goofy animal drape do not put a smile on Mr. Perkin's face.  And here is the best part ... they haven't even started yet ... he is only smirking because he knows what is about to come and his little mind is trying to decide the best way to get out of that stupid smock and head out the door.


What will be a fight is Riley's first haircut, being that she has never had one.  Her curls might be cute but a pain to keep up with (Mikah, if you are reading this I have no doubt you can understand).  The day that we head into a salon with little Ms. Riley I might need a sedative of some sort ~ not might, probably definitely.  Enough about haircuts ~ even I am tired of thinking about it.

Tonight we have our RCIA classes at ST. Thomas Moore @ 7:00.  I am really enjoying the classes and for that little time in my life it doesn't sound like "Womp Whomp Whomp Womp Whomp Womp".  Maybe we all find a way to tune into what we care about.  I care about my family more than I could ever put into words, but I finish this post wondering why I can listen and be emotionally present at this class, when so many other times in my life I embrace the teacher from the Peanuts.  Anyone have an answer I would be glad to give you more than a cookie ~ I might give you Connor to take for a haircut :).

Have a good Thursday, y'all!

Falling Down ~ The Stairs of Course.

So, to make a Tuesday an even more special day of the week you must definitely start your evening like mine by falling down your porch stairs while hanging onto a 16 month old child.  Just let me tell you how exciting that is.  While holding onto Henry's hand so that he didn't fall, somehow as he took off I wasn't ready for him to attempt to take two steps at once and we did quite the acrobatic tumble.  I pulled him hard into me, but the side of his head scraped the wood and left a mark.  I am hoping that it won't turn funky colors or anything ~ his parents might decide that bringing their child home with bruising and goose eggs isn't quite an ideal thing.

As I was so worried about Henry, I looked down and realized that my foot was bleeding like crazy.  And of course, nobody was home except myself and the rugrats.  I got the two daycare children, Katelynn & Henry, straight and did exactly what your momma always told you not to.  I am sorry to say, but yes, I broke the cardinal rule and bled on the carpet.  Don't y'all remember that from being a kid .... unless your leg is falling off you better not bleed on my carpet.  lol.  Funny how that went through my mind as I was coming inside to figure out what was bleeding and where.

Ended up being a cut beneath my pinky toe ~ in that great part of skin that is barely enough to be there anyway.  Chad came home to use his Master's Degree in Sports Medicine to tell me that 1) I was not going to die & 2) be still so he could look at it.  We decided to try and use our magical healing powers here at home for a few days via Neosporin and bandaids.  If that doesn't work, we will have to take the oh so favorite route of a Tetanus shot and possibly stitches.  Boy oh boy, what is a girl to do?

At the end of it all, I can't help but wonder if a Hello Kitty Band Aid would have much more healing power as opposed to this regular one?   If I can hobble into a drugstore tomorrow I might have to go on the hunt for something a little cuter with more positive vibes ~ Hello Kitty or maybe Strawberry Shortcake.  You just can't go wrong with either of those :).

Night y'all!

My First Blog Post & Sure It Won't Be the Last

So, this is a blog?  I am thinking it is time to get down on paper or web or wherever what is going on in our lives, family & day to day doings.  Well, from my perspective, anyway.  I can't promise this will be perfect or even enjoyable to read, but maybe, just maybe, it will help me remember that chaos and love are somehow intertwined ~ our family life is proof of that.

First and foremost ~ to those who feel like I am negative or down or unhappy, stop reading and please move on somewhere else.  By no means do I say that to be ugly or rude or whatever ~ I have decided that sugar coating is not helping me or those around me.  If you care and want the best for me, read on.  Life is real and if we can't find a place to vent and share the happy with the craziness, then how do others expect us to be real with them, close friends and family, or with our own immediate family that our days are surrounded with?  Being real doesn't mean I am not happy ~ being real means that I love my children and husband more than words could express, but life isn't perfect and neither am I.  Enough said?  I think so :).

So ~ as I read the above paragraphs I guess some could interrupt them in a less than positive manner.  To those who feel that way, all I know to say is Oh well.  If you are reading this, then I hope you understand.  And I hope you understand when I say that this Blog is about true life and real feelings ~ if not, then why take the time to post anything at all?  Not sure yet if I will make this private or public ~ public for now I suppose. 

Time to get busy with dishes and diapers and figuring out what lunch and supper will be.  Just remember, in the words of Riley ~ "I will never kiss a frog".  Chad says she will kiss alot of frogs in her day ~ I asked him what that means between he and I and he said he was still a frog.  Not to me ~ well, not today, anyway.  Can't tell you how I will feel about that tomorrow, but today, he is much more than a frog.