"Be Nice or Leave"

Last night and this morning I have had alot on my mind.  Besides the fact that Chado is gone for the week, I have been thinking about myself and how I handle criticism, rejection, and even positive praise.  A few weeks ago in our RCIA Class @ St. Thomas Moore we were asked to receive a compliment and do just that ~ receive the compliment and say only Thank You, instead of spouting out why we were just doing what we do, or where we got our shoes and how much we paid for them or whatever .... just the simple act of receiving something positive isn't always the easiest thing to do.  I am a talker ~ we all know this ~ so just saying thank you was difficult.  In my every day life ~ I think I should try this out, even if the comment isn't positive or praiseful ~ maybe learning to zip it a little more often would help out with some of my self worry and indecisiveness issues.  Maybe yes ~ Maybe no ~ not sure until I apply the concept and actually follow through.

I say all this because recently some things have occurred in my life that make me wonder ~ even as an adult, being rejected for whatever reason still hurts and stings like it used to for me as a child.  OK, maybe not quite as much, but the sting remains.  In our lives, it isn't possible for everyone to like us, to make everyone around us happy or even to be told the truth by everyone.  When some say something to you and then their actions show a different position ~ it hurts and maybe that doesn't change no matter how old we get.  All relationships, including friendships, are tricky and I think I have finally found the catch.  A true friendship may have a rough patch or two, but it doesn't get tricky.  You might disagree or even get angry or frustrated, but the friendship itself is never questioned.  I think even at this age I still long for those relationships, because so many around us seem to say one thing and do another.  This reality of human nature seems to force many of us to keep our guards up and the sad part about it, is that who really wants to live behind that wall?

Life moves on and so do relationships ~ some come, some go and then some real relationships stay.  I guess all I can do is to quit worrying about what others do or say, and start to think and pay more attention to how I can stay.  I've always heard that you can't do wrong and get by ~ that old saying has never been more true in my life than now.

A pizza place in Memphis (The Memphis Pizza Cafe) used to have a sign up that said "Be Nice or Leave".  I am thinking maybe I should find somewhere to post that here in our home.  Wonder if anyone would notice that the sign applied to not only children, but to adults as well?

Maybe I should learn to accept that some people go and that isn't always my fault ~ it might not be any one's fault, and really, why should it matter anyway?  We are who we are and if we try to leave each person a little happier than we found them, then that should be OK.  It should be more than OK ... it should be good and maybe, just maybe, I will learn to live by the words I just typed.

Take care, y'all. 

Oh Monday ~ You Strike Yet Again ......

So, it is Monday after a long holiday weekend and I have to admit that although I dreaded the day, it has gotten off to a pretty good start.  Sierra said on Sunday morning that our Christmas tree was useless here in the living room, since Christmas was over.  I feel like such an "adult" because I have to admit that I am a little glad that all the prep and chaos leading up to the big day is now settling down.  Chad flew out this morning from Kansas City headed to Baltimore and then to Boston for a Women's Basketball Tournament at Dartmouth.  Due to the weather I believe he might get to know the Baltimore Airport very well, since he will probably most definitely be delayed there for quite a while.  This will be his longest trip so far this year ... leaving on Monday and coming home on Sunday.  Celebrating New Year's will be sans Daddy for the monsters ~ by the end of the trip Connor might be speaking even more as he converses with Chad over the phone.

Speaking of Connor, his speech has improved leaps and bounds in the last few months.  Stonehouse and their program is doing wonders for him.  He loves going to "school" and his teachers and staff there are nothing short of amazing.  I am so glad that we were guided in the right direction to test for autism so early ~ at this rate they feel like he might be capable of mainstreaming into a regular kindergarten classroom, and what a blessing that would be.  It was only a few months back when we were begging and hoping that he would use 2 and 3 word phrase; now, at times, we are begging he would hush for just a bit.  He has absolutely no problem voicing his opinion and we are working to stop his favorite phrase of "Oh, My God" since he likes to use it very frequently.  "Oh, My Goodness" obviously doesn't have the same ring for Connor boy, as he continues to be blasphemous on a daily basis.  Can't win 'em all, I suppose.

So, the dishwasher is going, washing machine about to start and cleaning up behind kiddos makes this Monday just like most of the rest.  However, I realize that our family is so blessed to be surrounded by loving family and wonderful new friends that we have made here in Kansas.  As we approach the New Year I am pleased and so happy at where we have come.  Our Catholicism journey is in full swing with classes starting back after the holiday break, our children are healthy & life is overall good to each of us.  I can't lie and say that I am the most pleasant person all the time, but I try a little harder each day.  OK, I should be honest and admit that I try a little harder as often as I can.  Those who know me well understand that the whole cup half full philosophy just isn't my thing.  Don't know that it ever will be, but you have to admit that at least I am honest, even with my cup a little below the half empty line.

Much love to all of you ~ have a wonderful week, y'all!

Potty Training, Christmas Trees & Blood Clots ~ What You Talking About, Newberry?

So ~ I feel like a complete slacker, as I haven't sat down to "blog" in the last few weeks.  It isn't because I didn't have anything to say, because we all know that times where I don't have anything to say are non-existent or very few and far between ~ it has probably been more so because I let so much time pass that I had lots to say and no clue how to put it all down without typing out a novel and a half or so.  Much has happened over the past 3 weeks ~ Riley started using the potty, Connor has decided he likes talking so much that he was kind enough to tell a State Trooper in Craig County, Arkansas "Thank You" as I was being handed a 77 in a 55 speeding ticket, Sierra has turned into a teenager while I was watching and not wanting to look & basketball season is in full swing, which means that for the next 4-5 months my husband will trade being married to me to being married to the Kansas State Wildcats Women's Basketball Team & Staff.  And, before I forget, I am typing this with my left leg elevated, because I currently have a superficial blood clot in my left leg ~ thigh down to the ankle.  Superficial or not ~ it hurts way bad and I would prefer for it to just go away, but I don't think what I prefer or what I want applies in this situation.

As I was going through my morning today, I had a moment that helped me out with my blogging predicament.  Instead of typing out paragraph after paragraph, I decided I would make a list of things that had occurred to me over the time since my last posting.  Not sure that it won't be just as long or even longer, but figured it was worth a shot.  I  can't say that the following listings will all apply to my 3 weeks blog free, but, I can say that at some point lately these topics have crossed my mind.  No guarantees it will be worth reading, but if you know me well enough, well .... lol ... read further if you wish :-) 

• Buying makeup for Sierra bothers me in a real sort of way, even if it is just mascara and blush ~ guess it bothers me because she is growing up and I can't stop it.  However, buying it for her is better than getting ready in the morning and realizing I have to go find my makeup in her room.  I keep forgetting that as a parent, I no longer have anything that belongs to me and only me.  Wait ~ maybe the fabulous appliance known as the dishwasher ~ I think that I am still allowed to be solely responsible for that fascinating piece of modern technology that I load and unload at least once, but usually twice daily.

• Nancy Grace and Wayne Brady both annoy me in a serious way ... not exactly sure why.  Never the less ~ I can't stand listening or looking at either of them.

•  Living so far away from family doesn't get any easier and some days just seems to get worse.  I miss those I love so much, and, I hate that our lives are shared over the telephone and not more up close and personal.

• I love lying on the sofa and looking at our Christmas tree.  Every ornament reminds me of something and the memories that are usually stirred bring a smile.  However, if the ornaments are out of place or not staggered exactly the way I want, then out the door goes the smile until I can fix it the way I envision in my mind that it should be.  Even as I read that, that whole concept of a "perfect" tree bothers me.  How in the world can I expect the tree to be halfway orderly with toddler twins and a home daycare?  LOL .... don't know how in the world, but it still bothers me and I have mentally looked back at the tree just now and see 2 or 3 spots that I need to fix before I can be mentally prepared to enjoy the memories I love to remember.

•  I love that Riley working on being fully potty capable means buying less diapers.  On the flip side of that thought, I dread the day that both she and Connor are so big that I throw away the last pull ups/diapers we have and grab onto the reality that the phase of diapers and wipes in our lives is over.  Don't get me wrong, though .... I love the idea that the $25-30 a week spent on diapers can be spent on something else ... like dinner, for instance.  Not that I don't like to cook ~ just way too tired and entirely too lazy to want to cook dinner and do dishes every night of the week.  Even 5 nights a week ... or 4 seems like more than I want to do.  Call me what you want ~ Wendy's, Taco Bell, "Donald's" or takeout from McAllister's are winners to me after a long day when I just don't want to imagine sticking another dish in the above mentioned item that belongs solely to me.  (See listing #1) lol.

• Blood clots, whether superficial or not, hurt in a way I couldn't really explain.  They suck.  No nice way to put it.  Just thought I would get that out.

• On November 30th of this year, my Dad has been gone 21 years.  Yes, you read that right ~ 21 years.  Where does time go?  I miss him like it was yesterday, but my brain realizes it was further away than that.  I hate that he isn't here to see my children grow, but I know that somehow he does see in his own way.  I am thankful that many family members and new people God placed in our lives stepped up to help all of us threw such a terrible time.  To each of you, and you know who you are, thank you from the very bottom of my heart.

• I feel like a slacker that once again we probably aren't, ok, almost most definitely not, getting out Christmas cards this year.  I always have great hopes and dreams, but like most other things my ideas and actual follow throughs tend to slide through the cracks.  Maybe I should create some sort of mid- winter greeting card ~ after the chaos of Christmas but when the winter is dragging on and seems to never end.  Think of what a surprise it would be to get a greeting card in the middle of January ~ just a thought ~ maybe I should look into marketing this idea.  Or maybe not.  I will probably let that fall through the cracks as well.

• Marriage is tough ~ worth it, but really tough some days.  Seems like when finances are good, marriage is good.  However, when money isn't good you can be assured that there will be rocky times to follow for Chad and I.  I also have decided that those who say money isn't important probably don't have to worry about what bills to pay or what needs to be done for your family of five.  I know as well as anyone that money doesn't make the man ... yada yada yada.  I do know, however, that life seems to flow much smoother when the worry and concern of how you are going to make it is alleviated when financial worries are not a concern. 

• As I am typing this, it is a blazing 16 degrees, with a wind chill making it feel like a whopping 5 degrees outside.  All I want from Santa is a heated matress pad and a heated throw blanket.  And that's all I have to say about that.

Hope this post finds each of you doing well.  I miss everyone tons.  This time of year is so special, and sometimes so heart wrenching all at the same time.  Makes me remember what and who is important in our lives.  And, in my heart, I know I wouldn't be the same without each one of you who occassionally happens, or those who never happen, to read this silly little blog.  Thank you all for loving me enough to help guide me to the place I was supposed to be. 

Happy Holidays, y'all ~ hugs and kisses to each of you.

Autism ~ You Are Not Always So Good To Us .....

Hey everyone ... or hey no one ... not sure how many follow my silly little blog. 

I am in a crazy erratic terrible mood .... been a rough day ... but I just wanted to sit down and get something out.

For those that doubt that autism is a real and viable disorder, then maybe we should change lives for a few days and let you live in mine and watch your child go through situations that neither he nor you can control or fix or make better for him.  After dropping Sierra off for a school dance, Connor launched into his crying don't let her go fit in the car, as did Riley, except Connor's fit has lasted until just now ~ let's see ... that would be near 1 1/2 hours.  Riley stopped crying after watching her sister walk into the building, Connor ~ not so much.

I headed to Walgreens for Boudreaux Butt Paste .. lol ... still makes me laugh .... and a heating pad.  What else goes better together?  The tantrum had stopped for a few moments from leaving Sierra as we got from the car into the shopping cart.  Upon entering the automatic doors at Walgreens it started all over again, only this time much much worse.  As I hastily headed through the store I have a lightbulb parent moment .. the toy aisle ... let's get a toy ... that always works.  Maybe sometimes, but oh dear autism, not today.  I don't know if researchers are right ... is it sensory overload, is it flourescent lights?  What is it that makes my son go into a raving crying fit with hands over his ears and eyes closed and clinging onto the cart for dear life in what should be a perfectly normal situation?  What is it?  Please, someone tell me ... my sanity as well as my heart needs to know.  Even with a super cool fire truck and nifty little Mickey Christmas glass the fit continued and at that point I gave up.  I threw stuff in the cart, shot very ugly eyes at two gentlemen who couldn't keep their eyes off of our apparent freak show (seriously, I doubt these two less than desirable men could work hard enough to keep a pet rock alive, but who am I to say?), and headed for the checkout.  At the point of checkout, Connor is clinging to my skin for dear life ... I mean ... no kidding ... I am surprised his little nails didn't draw blood.   We run through the checkout, the clerk gives back the firetruck to the crying for his life child that has to remove his hands from his ears to brace the truck against himself and the cart.  You see, he wasn't even holding the truck ... just trying to hold it close and holding his hands over his ears as he had done upon our arrival at Glorious oh Glorious Walgreens.

We get in the car and the crying continues, this time with eyes covered ..... what do I do?  If your answer is to spank him or physically punish him, then please do me a favor, don't finish reading this post or any other post I ever choose to put on here.  The title, thanks to Stan, of Truality really applies here.  This is my life .. not sugar coated or paint by numbers.  I don't know why I feel the need to explain behavior exhibited by my son to verify for others that he truly does have autism.  I guess I hear so much that he is just being a kid .... these fits, ears covering, eyes covered, clinging to my skin for his life ... these fits, tantrums, whatever you choose to call them, are not just being a kid. 

As I have typed this post, I am thinking in my head about true support and I think that only comes when someone loves you and trusts you enough to let go and trust you as a parent.  To trust the developmental pediatricians and psychologists and speech therapists and occupational therapists who are good at doing their jobs and making a final decision on whether or not they diagnose a child with Autism or Asperger's or PDD or nothing.  I love Connor more than my life, as I do all my children, but this place in me is coming to a part where I am so emotionally drained with having to explain that it isn't bad behavior ~ it is a condition and we are working with others to do the best we can for our son.  Hear me when I type this ... our son .... we all want the best for our kids ... why would anyone try to blame something on what it isn't when it comes to times like this?  I am not playing an autism card ... that "card" was put in Connor's deck and as his mother I am doing my best to help him make the right move with what God chose to deal my little boy.

My son has autism ..... I know that, his father knows that, his sisters know that and most family members know as well.  If you don't know, then please love us & Connor enough to take the time to learn about it and begin to know it as well.  We call an apple an apple ~ it is time for us to call autism exactly what it is ... autism.

Much love everyone,

Kelli

Does Dr. Temple Grandin Think Pretty Is, Is Pretty Does?

So, I remember hearing the phrase "Pretty Is, Is Pretty Does" about 4 million times ~ even every now and then I hear it these days or find myself passing it onto my daughters.  My mother, my Grandma Rosie, and even Mom Walker all carried these words of wisdom and they have been passed down through generation to generation, and I suspect, will contine on down the line.  Here's my issue ... the last few weeks I haven't felt like acting very "pretty" and I am having a hard time wrestling in my heart and mind over those five little words.

Connor's midday busdriver has been less than pleasant since the first day she brought him home, and that is putting it mildly.  I won't type out all the issues because even I am tired of them running through my head, but, just trust me when I say she has not been the least bit nice to deal with.  We have had lost backpacks (which is pretty tramatic for a child with autism), open bus doors that he runs out of and I am lucky he runs to our fence and not the car coming in the opposite direction, and most recently, a slide down the stairs of the bus before I could grab him as his feet hit the cement.  I have called everyone I know to call, yet the behavior on her part continues and I hit this point where I just feel at a loss as what to do.  Chad says let it go .... my heart says no ... he is our son and whether he has autism or not, no 3 year old can advocate for themselves.  After speaking with the Special Education Director for our district today I felt better ... I told her I wanted to send letters voicing my concerns and carbon copy them to the Transportation Dept, the Special Education Dept, The District Autism Director, Stonehouse Learning Center (his prek program) and finally, the school board.  I just don't get it ... why is it ok for one person to continually exhibit bad behavior and poor judgement at her job, when if anyone else did the same thing, most certainly we would be explaining or fixing our faults if they had not already caused us to be terminated from our employment.  I told the director that my husband says to let it go, don't cause anymore problems for Connor .... she paused for a moment and said that I wasn't creating a problem, only trying to finally find a way to fix the problems that have continued since August.  I guess I say this because sometimes I just get tired of trying to be "pretty".  I hear what everyone tells me to do, but I think that my heart is beginning to realize that sometimes being pretty means listening to your head and heart all at once and deciding what is best for you to do.  Momma knows best ... sometimes and sometimes not.  But guess what ... it's all a learning process and I guess that trying to be pretty is always a work in progress.





On a different note, I am stoked about going to hear a presentation by Dr. Temple Grandin tomorrow evening at Kansas State.  Dr. Grandin is autistic and didn't speak until the age of 3, was told by her parents to be institutionalized, and by her mother refusing to listen and go with the norm, she raised a daughter that has taught the world so much about autism and livestock development that she is world renowned.  What a loss had they listened to what they were told .... I guess her mom wasn't being pretty when she decided to go against the advice of medical professionals and family and act in what her heart told her was best for her little girl.  As I type this, I think I realize that Pretty is, Is Pretty Does means so many different things in so many individual situations.

I think that I will continue to hang onto the phrase and keep it tucked away, as I surely will continue to tell my children that Pretty Is, Is Pretty Does in the future.  I guess it will be up to each of them to decide what that means, but for me, I think my meaning is a little deeper than I ever would have thought when I first heard those five little words.

Not much more to say for tonight ... could go on, but we all have our 2 cents and like my mother-in-law always says .... With that and a few dollars (these days of course) that might get you a cup of coffee.  Notice the word might .... a few dollars and 2 cents probably doesn't include a latte or mocha, but maybe sometimes a cup of strong black coffee is all that we really need.

Have a good week, y'all :) !  

You are my SunShine

Not much to say today, but heard this song this morning and haven't been able to get it out of my head. 

Have a great Tuesday, y'all!

Tricks, Treats & Real Life ~ What To Do????

So, the weekend of birthdays, costumes, & candy is over.  I have to say that Halloween this year was different ~ Sierra went on her own with a friend & the twins were both excited and actually said Trick or Treat without being prompted by Chad and I.  Riley has some sinus stuff going on, so, I think that people thought she was probably giving the gift that keeps on giving, as she coughed and sneezed at their door.  The coughing and sneezing was probably in their candy bowl which they promptly sprayed down with Lysol after we left.  Funny thing ~ after she got indoors in the warm air the coughing and sneezing stopped.  Good for her, but good for us, because I am just not ready for fall/winter colds yet.  I know they are coming ~ just want a few more weeks before we stock up on Benadryl, Sudafed, Robitussin, Motrin & various other goodies for our medicine basket.

I have so much I want to put into this blog, but I think I will keep some of my opinions to myself, because you know what people say about opinions.  In another part of my mind, I keep thinking if I can't share on my own blog then why have it in the first place.

I find it amazing that people who don't live in your shoes are quick to judge your life and the way that you handle it.  I mean, really, we all do the best we can in our situations and last time I checked, negative criticism is not something anyone wants to hear.  As much as I would like to say that my life is a bowl of cherries, it isn't.  Chad and I are parents to three children ~ a 14 year old and 3 year old twins, including one with autism.  Sometimes times are tough, but it doesn't mean that we don't love each other or our families or even our lives.  They say God never gives us more than we can handle, and I believe that, but sometimes hanging on for the ride he sets before us gets difficult.  Our love keeps our family together and that is good for me.  We find time for each other somehow in all the craziness ~ and sometimes joking and kidding is all that helps us get through.  It might not work for everyone, but it works for us, and that is ok with me.  Over the last five years we have worked out a way to make our lives together all we wanted ~ kids might change that, but in all honesty, they really only make it better.

Connor's therapy at school is going well.  At times we are still dealing with fits and frusturation from him, but mainly because his language is not up to where it should be and he doesn't know how to express to us what he wants.  In the grocery store the other night, it was only Connor and I, and a woman asked me what was wrong with him.  Although my first reaction was to be defensive and spout something rude, I held onto my tongue and politely explained that he was autistic.  As I walked away from her and pushed my shopping cart with Connor "driving" the car at the bottom, my heart hit a snag and I had to really fight to keep the tears back.  I know that he is going to face adversity and difficulties, but as a parent, I realize that as he gets older I can't shelter him forever.  When others say that I will have to learn to deal with that, it makes my heart break a little bit more, because they just don't understand the fight we are and will continue to be in the midst of.  I love my children more than I could ever express ~ and just the thought of him facing that sort of rude questioning pulls at me, even as I am typing this.  Yes, you pull yourself up by your boot straps, but that doesn't mean that in all that pulling there isn't pain in getting the straps all the way up.

As the twins were trick or treating, Chad and I giggled as Connor walked away from Riley and she fussed and told him to come hold her hand.  I told Chat that maybe that will be a positive in the future ~ usually the brother defends and takes care of his sister, but this time, maybe Riley will do for Connor what we can't always be there to do.  Life is funny, but I love mine, and I don't think I would change a single thing.  Adversity makes us stronger and if I hadn't gone through many of the situations I have faced, I just don't think I could look at life with my eyes wide open.  Our time on this earth is too short to view things with racism or ignorance or non acceptance ~ being loving and embracing all that we can learn about is all I ever want to do and hopefully, by example from Chad and myself, we can teach our children to do the same.

Have a great week, y'all ~ Remember to hug your babies ~ they seem to grow up way too fast and one day they will be way too old to trick or treat with Mom & Dad and you wonder as they walk out the door where in the world all the time has gone.

 

35 ... Not Sure If I Am Ready or Not ... Can I Be 29 and Holding?

So, as a little girl I always thought that you would feel different the older you got.  I can't speak for others, only myself, but, I don't feel much different.  I feel like Kelli, only slightly more stressed, a little more weight, much different priorities, major issues with vascular congestion in my legs from having babies, but, still me underneath it all.  I guess I am still waiting on that feeling different part ~ only different I feel is that I am turning more and more into my mother and other relatives I promised I would never be.

Sierra is 14 years old and wants to go out on Halloween with a few of her girlfriends to go Trick or Treating.  Actually, I am surprised they still want to do that at this point, but, I am trying to very slowly let a little slack on the apron strings.  I remember when she was less than 5 days old and I cried thinking that one day she would grow up and leave me.  I mean, really, I had some issues. lol.  However, somehow those feeling from 14 years ago are popping back and I am so scared about her growing up and one day flying the coop to begin her life on her own.  I want so much for her and feeling like I only have a few more years to instill in her all I want her to know.  Then I sit back and remember that life is a process and we all have to learn.  The best gift I can give any of my children is to try and keep communication open and try to help them without letting them know.  I know there is a fine line of being a parent or being a friend .... somehow as she grows older I want to find that line, where I can be both.  Some say it is impossible ~ and maybe for them it is ~ but, I don't have to fall into that because others say what is and isn't.  This is my family and I am slowly learning to stand up for what I want for my children and my family.  Problem is that I have yet figured out how to stand up for me ~ ~ that is still a work in the progress and I guess that inner little girl never goes away when it comes to standing up for me.

So, tonight I will go to dinner with my very sweet husband and we will enjoy dinner and probably spend most of the time talking about our twins and Sierra and jobs and what real life becomes when you grow up.  But somehow, in the back of my mind, I hold onto those birthday parties in Evans when I dressed as a bunny from the year before's dance recital and blew out candles on a cake decorated with pumpkins and ghosts.  I hang onto my daddy showing me my birthday present before it was wrapped and telling me if I told my mom I was beyond in trouble.  But, she always found out and that trouble never occurred.  I remember my parents thinking that if they weren't drinkers, they should probably have started, when they agreed to take 10 or 12 preteen girls on a Halloween Ghost Walk in Downtown Charleston that was then followed by a slumber party.  All the giggles ~ all the presents and now all the years and I am 35.  Last night I cried because sometimes it hurts so much to celebrate without my Dad ~ I cried because I couldn't remember how his hands looked.  Silly, huh?  Then Chad came in and reminded me that it didn't matter how his hands looked ~ what mattered is that I have memories of those arms and hands holding onto me and that is way more important than what his hands actually looked like.  I miss him ~ the years that pass just don't make that go away.

Without sounding too nostaligic, I am blessed to have reached 35 years.  I am blessed to have a wonderful family who loves me, very caring and special in-laws that truly want the best for all of our family and have always included my daughter and myself like one of their own, a wonderful Newberry family in Memphis & Joneseboro that mean more to me than I could ever begin to express in words, and finally, a mom, stepfather and brother that help me remember what it means to be family.  Some years weren't easy, but without the struggle, how can we appreciate the love that always comes back around?  And I wonder how much my Dad had a part of that .... he might not be here physically, but in my heart, I realize if I look and reach hard enough, those hands I have a hard time remembering are still all around me and probably sometimes hold me when I don't even know.

Thanks so much for all the birthday wishes ~ they mean more than I could ever express.  All of you are so special to me ~ each and everyone of you have touched my life in one way or another and I am better because of it.  So, do I feel 35?  Yes, I do.  But do I feel different?  Nope, still the same Kelli ~ hopefully.

Have a good weekend, y'all!  Love and miss each and every one of  you :)

  

Wienies, Mashed Potatoes & Peas ... Does It Really Get Any Better?

So ... when I was a kid I remember eating many wonderful things, but, Ben and I absolutely loved my Mother's Dinner of Champions ~ Wienies, Mashed Potatoes & Peas.  Today as I made a partial part of that meal for my kids at lunch I thought of how funny it was that just the sight and taste of those foods could take you back so many years.

First, we didn't have the peas ~ which really is a vital component of this fantabulous dinner.  I had frozen green peas, but the peas don't taste the same unless they are canned, and preferabbly in the silver wrapped can.  Because having the frozen peas would throw it all off, I Xed that component of the meal and settled for Wienies, Mashed Potatoes, Mandarin Oranges & Toast.

Not sure why I am blogging about this, guess I just find it funny how our minds remember little things that we forget as we get older.  Just the taste and smell of that meal takes me back to Ben and I sitting at the table and acting like we hated the meal, when really, we loved it.

So, I guess it is time to figure out what to cook for dinner for my monster 1 & 2 and Sierra.  Chad can fend for himself ~ pretty much why he isn't on the list :).  I don't know what it will be, but I hope that one day the tastes and smells from my kitchen will remind my children of how the little things really do matter later in life.    Memories should be hung onto ~ even if they are only remembered by a smell or a taste.

Have a great week, y'all!

Look Mom ~ No More Cribs

Ok ~ so, for those of you that know me, know that I have kept my little monsters contained to their cribs for as long as possible.  At first it was the simple thing to do, then it just lingered on, then I was scared of them not being babies and moving into a big kid bed, and finally Connor outsmarted me and began climbing in and out like a monkey and so I put in the very back of my mind that the time to make the move was near.  Of course, I didn't make the move at that point, just thought about it.  Yesterday the plunge was taken and the cribs are no more ~ not sure how I feel at this point.  Who am I kidding ~ I hate the fact that they are too big for cribs and as they were taken down and moved out of the home I cried like what I want them to stay .... a baby.

One of the cribs went to a young couple trying for a baby, but the second went to a couple from India that are grad students here at Kansas State and they were absolutely as sweet as they could be.  If I had to choose who would have gotten the crib, it couldn't have been a sweeter two.  Their little boy is due in December and I told them if they need anything to give me a call ... or send me a photo of their little man in the crib ... can we say attachment issues?  Anyway, change is here and I suppose I will figure out how to handle it.

We have decided for the time being to put the two of them back together in a full size bed.  The reason being, they will end up together anyway.  I know bedtime is going to come a little earlier for a while, because they wrestle and play and giggle in the bed at first just like little kids ~ I guess that is because they are. 

As mothers we all say that our children will always be our babies ~ in our hearts, that is.  Maybe someone should tell my head that for the next few weeks as we adapt from cribs to the bed ~ this Mom is really going to have a hard time listening to her heart as her body puts her babies night night into their big kid bed.

Have a great Sunday, y'all ~ where has the weekend gone?

Garage Sale Blues

So, I say Garage Sale Blues because tomorrow morning I am hoping for blue skys and nice weather.  However, my not so favorite weather guy at the moment is predicting a 30% chance of rain. I will hope that the other 70% of sunshine hangs over our home, if only from 6:30 am - 2:00 pm that is.

Chad will not be here to help with this lovely sale, that for the record, was not my idea.  Sierra and her friend Bernadette can't wait for this, although I fear that I just might be doing most of the work.  Ok, really, we all know that I will be doing most of the work.  Two 14 year old girls tend to space out at certain times.  That isn't a bad thing, just the truth.  We were all teens and if you are currently raising one then you know why your mother kept saying she couldn't wait until your kids were teenagers.  Guess that the laugh is on us while they are teens, and I fully intend to tell mine the same thing and sit back and watch when my grandchildren drive their parents nutty like I feel like I already am.  But back to the glorious yard sale ~ they couldn't just make it a garage sale ~ oh no, it has to be a garage/bake sale.  Chad asked what are we going to bake?  Is that a trick questions?  They are going to bake that $45 dollars worth of cookie batter in tubs that I bought as a fundraiser for the Women's Choir at Manhattan High School.  I didn't spend that money for nothing ~ Sierra better push cookies like crazy so that I can at least recoop a little of the profit loss.  $45 for 3 tubs of cookies ~ only a parent with a kid doing fundraisers would buy that.  Well, that or a parent who knows their child will be fundraising soon, so they buy from you in hopes that you will return the favor and help their child out as well.

I tried to glamorize the posting of the garage sale, but we all know the reality of every yard sale.  A way to get rid of stuff that we need out of our homes and make a little moolah at the same time.  I am hoping that as it makes it's way out the door it will not see my home again, unless I mess up and buy it all over again at someone else's glamorized sale. 

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers for the sale ~ really, that isn't a joke.  One 34 year old woman running a garage sale with two 14 year old girls and 3 1/2 year old twins crying at everything that walks out of the yard is probably not going to make for a most fabulous Saturday.  Only good thing is the logistics and planning on my part.  Garage sale ends at 2 which is typically nap time for Monster 1 & 2, more commonly known as Connor & Riley, and I think I will let Sierra and Berna clean up while I take a nap of my own. 

So, if anyone needs a double stroller, or coffe maker, or 4,000 dvds that Chad had to have but never watches, Dance Dance Revolution, toddler clothing or a 90 lb Basset Hound commonly referred to as LuLu just stop on by.  Oops, did I say out loud that I would sell LuLu .... let's fix that .... I will give her away, but only if you can get her lazy self to actually waddle to your car and then find a magic way to heave herself into your backseat.  And please, no matter what, don't tell Chad about the giving away of his wifey.  He talks nicer to her than he does to me most of the time, so if she left him he might not know what to do.  Iif you don't tell, then neither will I and LuLu definitely won't say a word, because at this point in her life she is almost too lazy to bark :).

Have a great weekend, y'all!

Blah ... Blah .... Blah .....

The last few days have felt like I am sitting in the Peanut's classroom listening to the teacher talk at an endless rate.  Only negative is that I can't find Snoopy and keep hearing the teacher.  At least if I could find the Red Baron aka Snoopy I could have something to focus on besides the endless jabber that I can't tune out.

As I was waiting outside our home for the bus to pick up Connor for his morning prek program, my mind began to race 4037 miles a minute.  Halloween is coming, Connor's hair is so shaggy I think the people will think that nobody loves him, Sierra needs a costume, Riley's hair is a rat's nest of curls that has to be untangled before our RCIA (Catholic) classes tonight, Chad is frusturated with Sierra, Sierra is frusturated with everyone, and so the list continues.  You might ask why Connor's hair is so shaggy ... a simple haircut will fix that, right?  Wrong in our case.  Because Connor has autism, oops, did I actually say that word out loud and acknowledge in front of others that he really does have a developmental disorder that is also know as an Autistic Disorder?  Guess I did ~ the cat is out of the bag.  Connor's autism makes many things more difficult ~ a haircut being near the top of the list.  I mean, really, he and I weren't kicked out, I mean asked to leave, the little Great Clips haircut shop down the road for no reason.  When they ask you to come back when he is older and more able to handle the horrible and awful process known as a haircut, I call that being given the boot.  Not only was I told this, but, lol, it was computerized noted by his name and birthdate in their system.  Can you get fake ids at 3?  Anyway, past all my rambling, I say that because Connor is more petrified of hair scissors and clippers than any kid I know.  They come one way and he struggles to go the other way.  Somehow he and Chad have figured out a way where when he is with Chad he can walk out of the Barber Shop with a somewhat close to even haircut.  The poor barber does the best he can, but, when you the parent are having to hold a toddler's head in both hands so that the hair can look decent, I can assure you it is not a fun nor easy process for anyone involved, most importantly Connor.  Chad tries to take him when the shop isn't crowded because the number of people in the shop affect Connor's edginess (is that a word?) level.  We have decided that Chad will be in charge of haircuts for Connor ~ me for Riley ~ and that is ok because that is what works for us.  I would love to say our family is the picture of perfection, but reality stinks sometimes, and our reality is just that ~ our reality.  So, I suppose I will keep wetting his hair in the morning and combing it down before going out to wait for the bus.  Ooops , forgot to add that while waiting for the bus I do the old lick the hand and try to push the cowlicks down in the back that most all mothers do at some point or another.  Oh well ~ not a big battle to fight when compared to the life many others are facing.

Please notice in the above photo that even a pony saddle chair, a sippy cup, and goofy animal drape do not put a smile on Mr. Perkin's face.  And here is the best part ... they haven't even started yet ... he is only smirking because he knows what is about to come and his little mind is trying to decide the best way to get out of that stupid smock and head out the door.


What will be a fight is Riley's first haircut, being that she has never had one.  Her curls might be cute but a pain to keep up with (Mikah, if you are reading this I have no doubt you can understand).  The day that we head into a salon with little Ms. Riley I might need a sedative of some sort ~ not might, probably definitely.  Enough about haircuts ~ even I am tired of thinking about it.

Tonight we have our RCIA classes at ST. Thomas Moore @ 7:00.  I am really enjoying the classes and for that little time in my life it doesn't sound like "Womp Whomp Whomp Womp Whomp Womp".  Maybe we all find a way to tune into what we care about.  I care about my family more than I could ever put into words, but I finish this post wondering why I can listen and be emotionally present at this class, when so many other times in my life I embrace the teacher from the Peanuts.  Anyone have an answer I would be glad to give you more than a cookie ~ I might give you Connor to take for a haircut :).

Have a good Thursday, y'all!

Falling Down ~ The Stairs of Course.

So, to make a Tuesday an even more special day of the week you must definitely start your evening like mine by falling down your porch stairs while hanging onto a 16 month old child.  Just let me tell you how exciting that is.  While holding onto Henry's hand so that he didn't fall, somehow as he took off I wasn't ready for him to attempt to take two steps at once and we did quite the acrobatic tumble.  I pulled him hard into me, but the side of his head scraped the wood and left a mark.  I am hoping that it won't turn funky colors or anything ~ his parents might decide that bringing their child home with bruising and goose eggs isn't quite an ideal thing.

As I was so worried about Henry, I looked down and realized that my foot was bleeding like crazy.  And of course, nobody was home except myself and the rugrats.  I got the two daycare children, Katelynn & Henry, straight and did exactly what your momma always told you not to.  I am sorry to say, but yes, I broke the cardinal rule and bled on the carpet.  Don't y'all remember that from being a kid .... unless your leg is falling off you better not bleed on my carpet.  lol.  Funny how that went through my mind as I was coming inside to figure out what was bleeding and where.

Ended up being a cut beneath my pinky toe ~ in that great part of skin that is barely enough to be there anyway.  Chad came home to use his Master's Degree in Sports Medicine to tell me that 1) I was not going to die & 2) be still so he could look at it.  We decided to try and use our magical healing powers here at home for a few days via Neosporin and bandaids.  If that doesn't work, we will have to take the oh so favorite route of a Tetanus shot and possibly stitches.  Boy oh boy, what is a girl to do?

At the end of it all, I can't help but wonder if a Hello Kitty Band Aid would have much more healing power as opposed to this regular one?   If I can hobble into a drugstore tomorrow I might have to go on the hunt for something a little cuter with more positive vibes ~ Hello Kitty or maybe Strawberry Shortcake.  You just can't go wrong with either of those :).

Night y'all!

My First Blog Post & Sure It Won't Be the Last

So, this is a blog?  I am thinking it is time to get down on paper or web or wherever what is going on in our lives, family & day to day doings.  Well, from my perspective, anyway.  I can't promise this will be perfect or even enjoyable to read, but maybe, just maybe, it will help me remember that chaos and love are somehow intertwined ~ our family life is proof of that.

First and foremost ~ to those who feel like I am negative or down or unhappy, stop reading and please move on somewhere else.  By no means do I say that to be ugly or rude or whatever ~ I have decided that sugar coating is not helping me or those around me.  If you care and want the best for me, read on.  Life is real and if we can't find a place to vent and share the happy with the craziness, then how do others expect us to be real with them, close friends and family, or with our own immediate family that our days are surrounded with?  Being real doesn't mean I am not happy ~ being real means that I love my children and husband more than words could express, but life isn't perfect and neither am I.  Enough said?  I think so :).

So ~ as I read the above paragraphs I guess some could interrupt them in a less than positive manner.  To those who feel that way, all I know to say is Oh well.  If you are reading this, then I hope you understand.  And I hope you understand when I say that this Blog is about true life and real feelings ~ if not, then why take the time to post anything at all?  Not sure yet if I will make this private or public ~ public for now I suppose. 

Time to get busy with dishes and diapers and figuring out what lunch and supper will be.  Just remember, in the words of Riley ~ "I will never kiss a frog".  Chad says she will kiss alot of frogs in her day ~ I asked him what that means between he and I and he said he was still a frog.  Not to me ~ well, not today, anyway.  Can't tell you how I will feel about that tomorrow, but today, he is much more than a frog.